wanna go halves on a baby?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
