bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
