the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
