I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
