Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
