What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
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