HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
