At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
