happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
