If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
