Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
