it was like his penis was on wheels.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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