she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
