so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
