i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
