It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
