He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
