Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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