I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
