It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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