If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Randomize
