ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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