i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
