I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
