I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
