im about as happy as oj after his trial
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
