and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
