I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
3 2 1 whiskey
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
