This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
