I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
