well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
