I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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