ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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