he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
