She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
