Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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