theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
