I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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