I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
