My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
