Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
