I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
