youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
