He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I am one with the molecules
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
