$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Randomize
