it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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