his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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