I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
