4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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