Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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