I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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