Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
