Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Did you just see the Batmobile???
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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