I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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