Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
