at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I came so hard my ears popped.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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