Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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