Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
