It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
