So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
two words...techno handjob
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.