peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top