i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend