Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.