I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
