I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
