I just cut my nipple shaving
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
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He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
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I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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