Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
