I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize
