I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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