So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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