Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
