don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
