I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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