sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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