Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
