he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
