You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
