it was like his penis was on wheels.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
