I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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