You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
