Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
