It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
