OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
